doesn't play well with others

i feel isolated from the rest of the world. i do it to myself. sometimes i feel so quick that noone can keep up with me. and sometimes i feel so slow i think the world is quickly passing me by. i liked indiana jones and everyone else hated it.

i mean i really enjoyed it.

there is a pull at my heart. i want to, like, be hugged.

is it because there is so much drama on tv and no drama in my life that i think my life is unfulfilling and passionless? i've been watching brothers and sisters and i've been watching grey's anatomy. i heard a crackhead fight outside my window and i actually thought. i have never had passion like that with anyone. its because i dont feel like i can be loved. its because i dont think i'm worthy of love, its because noone has ever actually loved me. besides family. but not even some of the family that counts.

8/8/08 it was a dream i had. it was a korean flag ying yang tattooed on my palm and the date tattooed on my wrist. i cant help but think that something bad will happen. but maybe my birth mother will find me on that day. maybe i will be related to one of the olympic medalists. maybe i'll die. i guess me have 2 months till we find out.

i keep saying to myself that it doesn't matter that my birth mother has not tried to find me. i keep saying to myself that it doesn't matter that my birth mother has not tried to find me.