doesn't play well with others

i feel isolated from the rest of the world. i do it to myself. sometimes i feel so quick that noone can keep up with me. and sometimes i feel so slow i think the world is quickly passing me by. i liked indiana jones and everyone else hated it.

i mean i really enjoyed it.

there is a pull at my heart. i want to, like, be hugged.

is it because there is so much drama on tv and no drama in my life that i think my life is unfulfilling and passionless? i've been watching brothers and sisters and i've been watching grey's anatomy. i heard a crackhead fight outside my window and i actually thought. i have never had passion like that with anyone. its because i dont feel like i can be loved. its because i dont think i'm worthy of love, its because noone has ever actually loved me. besides family. but not even some of the family that counts.

8/8/08 it was a dream i had. it was a korean flag ying yang tattooed on my palm and the date tattooed on my wrist. i cant help but think that something bad will happen. but maybe my birth mother will find me on that day. maybe i will be related to one of the olympic medalists. maybe i'll die. i guess me have 2 months till we find out.

i keep saying to myself that it doesn't matter that my birth mother has not tried to find me. i keep saying to myself that it doesn't matter that my birth mother has not tried to find me.

fuck i just wanna sleep!!!!!

it's like, four in the morning and i have to wake up at 10. i know to most people that doesnt seem early but its pretty early to me. ijust keep running things through my head wondering what the hell could be keeing me up. did the barista give me caffinated coffe instead of decaf? most signs point to yes.

was it the fuckingvw jetta that was blocking my goddamn driveway when i got home, prolly but not as much. the fucking huge platform sneakers heroin chic ripped just so tights bitch that came to the car just as the cops were going to tow away her car actually shook the cops hands and thanksed them . after she said " oh really?" to their did you know you are parked in a driveway? of course she fucking knew she was parked in a driveway. she was a fucking foot into it and she pulled up so close to the car infront of her that you couldnt even fit a peice of floss between the cars. fucking asshole cops. took three hours to get here and then did absolutely nothing. didnt even give her a ticket. fucking washington heroin hippie goth freaks.aaaahhhhhhh. but really i dont care that much. maybe it was the latest batch of kombucha that i made. maybe it is the shitty fucking asshole at work that rown noses in my bosses ass so much that his teeth are permenately stained. what a fucking douche. all i know is that all i can chant is three months, three months, threemonths 3 months 3 months three months tthree months. god if i have to stay any longer i think i will drive off a cliff.