i want to shoot you in the face

i saw the first guy that i ever loved this week. i saw many guys that at one time or another i have had crushes on. he jumped at me and at first i thought he was a homeless guy that wanted a cigarette. but then he knew my name. he touched my shoulder and fiddled with the glasses on my face and i melted. and i was just back there. and later i remembered how when meeting again he touched you , not in a normal way , like a hug, or how the french kiss. but in a primal way. like animals scenting. i think it was the savage that i was attracted to . am attracted to. i mean dont get me wrong. i love an emo boy just as much as the next girl. but there is something so nice in this day and age about a manly man. a dudes dude. but one that still has respect for women. does that make sense? and it was nice being touched. being touched by someone that i knew/know. to remind me that no matter how invisible i feel. he still sees me.

on the other hand of course there was the drunk guy at the party tonight. he touched me and i told him to get out of my personal bubble. he elbowed me and i told him to stop. he made fun of me for asking him to stop touching me. he put his arm around me to apologize. i went the fuck off on him. i drank half a bottle of wine and wanted to smash his fucking face in. but he was drunk. and upset and extremely uncomfortable. what i wanted to say was this. " you are creepy. you openly talk about staring in my windows. you invade my personal space. these are things that make us have problems. if ou sit over there. sit on that cushin and try to talk to me i will talk to you. but i do not know you. and touching me is not ok. "

he was too drunk to get the messege. he just sat alone and was hurt and confused looking. slurring his words. i offered him a cigarette as his rolly was falling apart and burning his fingers. that was my olive branch.

i'm still really pissed about the ending of certain girls.