do you believe i can make you feel better

i had my review today at work. we had angry words. i fucking hate my job. i think this might be the calm before the storm. ideallly i would rain a shitstorm against her. but tuthfully i think i'll just leave and let her deal with all of the shit that they usually pile on me. someone finallly noticed that i was wearing the same thing everyday. he said he noticed before but didnt want to say anyhting. i think i would rather have someone tell me if i had food stuck between my teeth.

better

my mom gave me up so i could do great things and all i do is sit around and feel sorry for myself.

do you feel anything at all?

i've fallen into a k hole. stop me if you have heard this one before. i feel lackluster and old. i need something shiny and new. i think i am going to get my hair cut like the girl in kamakazi girls. not like the one dressed like a 18 century girl. but like the biker chick. i like the hair cut but i think that it might make my head look huge. like huge head mcgee. i feel ok inside, but really quiet. like free falling off a cliff or jumping out of a space station. maybe not maybe i'm just bored. maybe i need a new hobby. working and sleeping and reading is a lot of alone time. i find myself loosing all sense of patience with stupidity. it really pisses me off when people act like working in a theater is hard. one time i went on a date. he led me into a dark room and didnt tell me that i had to step down. i fell and twisted my ankle. needless to say it was a horrible date. after that i couldnt hang out with him without getting really drunk. was that fate telling me to runaway from a land mine? mad dog, mad dog.

you get mistaken for strangers by your own friends.

its like my brain has gone quiet and the nothingness in my heart has crept into my brain. i watched like, the most awesome movie tonight, it was called "wristcutters : a love story" and it was amazing. right up there with "me you and everyone we know" and " eagle vs shark"

the main character comits suicide and ends up in a desert purgatory with all of the other people that have ccommited suicide. he drives around this wasteland with two friends looking for his old girlfriend. i'm not making it sound as good as it was. i urge you , yes patrick that means you, since you are the only one that reads this, to go watch it.

so they live in a place that sucks. doing meaningless jobs, drinking and hanging out, not smiling, and i relized that is exactly where i am now. i'm toiling away at a job that i hate, doing nothing with my life, not smiling. wearing the same clothes for , i guess it's been three weeks now, and noone has noticed. i know i'm the only one that can save me, but i just dont care anymore.