how can we make love if you don't love me?

i decided that, like most of my years before, this year is going to be about me. something needs to happen, true love, drastic weight loss( hand flourish), moving away from the place that i have called home for 26 years.
but ultimately the thing that needs to change the most is me getitng comfortable in the idea of myself. no more living in my head. 19 was the year i became self aware, fell in love for the first time and was ultimately rejected. 20 - 23 was trying to get over the pain of loosing. first love, best friends, sanity. 24-25 was about discovering that there are people in the world that can love the true you even if they leave you for a fantastic japanese voyage and bring up all of yor abandonment issues. but 26 is about me feeling comfortable in my body, relizing that i can live my life because it is the only one that i'm going to get ( right now) and. relizing that moving away isn't abandoning all f the people that you hold close in yor heart , but about growing as a person and relizing that you can exsist on yor own.


noone to my knowledge has ever loved me best, and i think it is time to relize that i can love me best, ( not in a cotati way) but in a healthy way. becoming comfortable in my own skin is important and i think this is the year. so maybe i'm in the eye of the storm and i still am on the verge of something, maybe not, but i'm quite excited about this years prospects.

i've also had two beers and it is 4am .
read fast cos i might erase this when i wake up..